i've changed so much. i feel so vacant, vapid, whatever. i never thought my life would turn out this way. i've completely forgotten the beauty in being alone. i used to see life as amazing; there was always something new to isolate and describe and think about. now i can't say the same.

my life is great today, yes. 2005, i'm seventeen and so much older; but it's great in a fragile, temporary sense; like any second now the new idealised world that has been built up over time will crumble and send me back into the dark. we ended up together and i love her so much, i take photographs of her, i stroke her skin. i can see her, but nothing else beyond. i'm so lost, and i only realise this whenever i'm alone. i don't know what to do. i guess i'm only in a coma, but she's going to leave me for dead.